Nothing breaks like a heart
by mrandmrsspecter
Summary: Set after 8x14 without the original ending. Thomas is still in the picture and Harvey tries to put Donna first and be happy for her. They have an argument which leaves Donna speechless. Seconds later the people surrounding her were running and screaming...


_A/N: So, this was just a random idea I came up with during season 8b, inspired by a scene from Grey's Anatomy which involved my otp in that show and I REALLY what something similar happen to Donna and Harvey. _

_The story is set 2 months after 8x14 and it all got a little bit more serious with Donna and Thomas right now. Harvey/Donna breaking privilege and all that 8x16 stuff never happened so logically Darvey is not canon. _

_I wanted this to be a one-shot but I feel like splitting it has a little bit more of a drama scenario so there will be a second chapter as well. _

Nothing breaks like a heart

„_The most important thing every man should know, is what he would die for"_

Life has never been more of a blessing than in the past eight weeks. ZSLWW was at the top of NYC's law firms again after everyone decided it's better to promote Alex and Samantha and the same time. They are getting along well, of course with a competition then and there on a case, but everything was fine. Louis is the happiest person alive after telling everyone that Sheila is pregnant. Robert and Laura had taken a vacation recently with a little stop over in Seattle, where Mike and Rachel are in top of their game, and endlessly in love. Katrina bought herself a puppy after the thing with Brian was over. She was obsessed with the little dog that she goes home in her lunch break every day to walk him through Central Park. And one day she met a very attractive, single man walking his dog as well. They're dating ever since and she's genuinely happy. Donna aka. a hell of a COO, started dating Thomas Kessler, CEO of a furniture company, some weeks ago, and, even if she won't admit it, she fell for him on day one. She was living her best life with the job she loves and a man she is falling in love with.

And then there was Harvey. Harvey was... well, he was Harvey Specter.

When he sped up his steps towards the elevator because he saw the doors closing, it revealed a stunning redhead starring at him while his arm was between the metal doors.

_Perfect_ he thought.

He gave her a quick nod before standing awkward next to her, keeping a safe distance. He could feel the thick air while he breathed and couldn't stop watching her from the corner of his eyes.

Donna finally broke the silence. She couldn't take it anymore. _Two weeks_ since they last had a civilized conversation without this weird tension. From being each other's partner in crime and joking around, 6 days a week 15 hours a day, to barely recognizing each other on the hallways.

_How the hell did they got here?_

She already wasted too much time pretending she doesn't notice his avoidance of her so she cut the crap. „Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

He turns slightly to look over his left shoulder, surprised that she even said something. He needs to react fast to cover himself.

„What? No, everything is great." he adds a smile as an evidence for her to believe him but it doesn't reach his eyes.

„So you're saying that you're not avoiding me? We've barely talked for 2 weeks." she shoots back. She isn't buying a thing he's saying. Doesn't he know that she could read him like a book?

„I've been busy." he replies instantly.

„Of course..." she rolls her eyes and lest out a dry laugh. The hell he has been busy. Everything is great at the firm, being occupied saving it isn't the greatest excuse right now.

They ride in silence for the next 23 floors until the doors open to the lobby on the ground floor.

He needs to say something. You're not leaving your former best friend standing alone in a metal box when _everything is fine_. But everything is fine, so he swallows before taking a few steps forward.

„Enjoy your lunch." his jaw clenches and with his final words he steps out of the elevator.

„Harvey." he hears her shout after him almost immediately. _Just pretend you didn't hear it, it's very noisy down here._

„Harvey!" and again. Her saying his name gets to him like nothing else in the world and it takes everything in him not to look over his shoulder.

He needs to do this. This is all for her sake. She is happy, he's not. He is definitely not going to pull her into that hole. She deserves better.

Her heels stop clicking on the marble floor, so he knows she stopped following him. She must be standing there between all the other people looking at his back like she just has been dumped. She didn't deserve that either.

„What?" he finally turns around.

„You are going to tell me what the hell is wrong. I know you long enough to know _when_ something is wrong." she is furious and takes a few determined steps towards him.

„And I told you that everything is fine." he snaps harsher than he wanted to but he really just wants this conversation, or whatever this is, to be over.

He knows she would keep on pushing him. Pushing him as long as necessary until she gets the answers she wants and he also knows that he's going to break because he could _never_ turn his back on her in that way. It's better for both of them if he just tries to make it as clear as possible. Hoping she will understand...

„Just stop talking to me." he says before turning around again taking a deep breath. Between all the fury he could've sworn he saw something like pain in her face. And he was never good at keeping his shit together while she was hurting.

„Harv-..." Donna replies confused but is cut off by him before she even finished his name.

„Don't Harvey me, Donna." he says angrily. It seems like he would have that talk right now whether he likes it or not... She wasn't letting it go and he couldn't keep on snapping at her for no reason.

So he's going to give her a reason...

„What-„ she begins again.

„You've made your choice." he yells ignoring the few people turning to look at them. An exasperated breath leaving him as he breaks their gaze.

„What are you talking about?" she frowns feeling embarrassed because they have a conversation like that in public.

„You chose _him_." The words left his lips like they are the most obvious thing in the world. His eyes were wide and face flushed with anger.

„And now you're pretending to have no idea what I'm talking about... like you haven't noticed." he says, his voice almost breaking.

Donna, on the other hand, just stood there, starring at him. She knows exactly where this is going, but truth be told, she doesn't want him to stop. She is happy. She is in a relationship. They got past this. She accepted that they're never going to be _that_. She has every reasons to stop him because it's useless anyway, the only thing he does to her is _hurting her even more_.

But maybe the part of her who wanted to have that talk again after fourteen years was stronger than her rational part.

„You hurt me with that decision. You broke my heart. And we both know this is not about you not being my secretary anymore or your office not being ten steps away from mine." he explains with the most painful look on his face. He is so vulnerable right now, she can't even remember seeing him like that before. Not when his dad died, not when Mike went to prison, never.

„But don't you see what I'm trying to do? Why I've been avoiding you?" he gestures to her and then to his chest with almost pleading eyes.

So she was right, he was avoiding her on purpose. She's Donna, she should've known but she feels like she knows nothing about him right now. He is like the stranger she always wanted him to be who can suddenly talk about how he feels. A stranger, but still _her Harvey_.

„For the case your _I'm Donna and I know everything thing_ doesn't work at the moment, I'm trying to put your happiness over my needs." he said the last part above a whisper while locking eyes with her.

„I... I don't understand..." she tries to form a sentence but nothing came out except a few stumbled words.

„You've always been the one person that could take me and destroy me whenever she wants." he cuts her off and throws that sentence into the space between them. It meant so much more than anyone could understand.

„It's almost embarrassing." he continued.

„Me. Harvey Specter. A man of no weaknesses. A man who doesn't _care_. The best closer this city has ever seen. On top of the world. Successful as hell. _I had no weaknesses_ until..." what has started as a confident description of himself ended in a scream about her being his only weakness. He made it look like she is his only fault. Like she is a scar. It fades over the years but it will always be there along with the memories. He made her feel like she is exactly that.

„Until that day you walked into this bar 12 years, 10 months and 4 days ago. I started to _care_ in the moment you first put vanilla in my coffee. I started to _need_ during the night of the other time. I started to _defend_ when you were fired. I started to want every single time you smiled at me over the years." she feels like she was about to faint while looking in his eyes seeing him explaining his feelings _for the first time in thirteen god damn years_. She wants him to go on talking but now she can't take it anymore, whatever he is about to say she's not ready-

„I've started to depend on you. My life has orbited around you. It has been like you're the universe and I'm Nasa." she blinks away the tears threatening to fall. She doesn't care shit that they are out in public. For her, there were only two people in this room.

„And now I'm trying to move out of this." he gestures with his fingers between them.

„And you won't let me." His eyes bore through her own and she starts crying at his confession because she realizes that he's right. She moved on and let him behind. She always thought he was the one who kept her at arms length not willing to let go. But in the second the sentences left his lips she knows that it's about her. That it's her who can't let go. She's keeping him close, even when she's moving on, _because she can't live without him_.

The most emotional unavailable man in the world just made her realizing what she must've been doing to him in the past week.

He hesitates for a moment, trying to string together his next thought carefully „You're looking at me and I can't think." locking his eyes with her he took a step towards her.

„You're touching me and I can't breathe." he took another step towards her and looked down on her, their faces now only inches apart. Even with her 5-Inch heels they got a height difference.

„But...but after I kissed you, you treated me like I'm a murderer or something and when I said I wanted more, next thing you did was running to-„ tears ran freely down her cheeks by now. She didn't know where her ability to form a sentence came from but it seems like her subconscious really wanted to say something. But Harvey being Harvey, he didn't made an effort to respond to her.

„Do you know how hard this is for me?." he pauses, swallowing before trying to form the next sentence. „Considering to let you go?"

„Can't you see it?" he speaks to her like he is in trance. Yeah, he asked a question but she wasn't sure if it was directed at her at all.

„Haven't you noticed?" he keeps going on throwing rhetorical questions she could never have answered between them.

„I love you. I've always loved you since the day I met you."

There it was. You couldn't say she had been waiting for these words, but maybe, deep down, she needed to hear them. She is happy. She has a wonderful boyfriend. An attentive, smart, handsome, tall and emotional available man, who is _not him_.

She was done waiting for him, she already started ghosting him. He can't just say it like that.

„I'm so freaking tired of you telling me this, Harvey. I have a boyfriend! I'm happy!" it takes everything in her to bring him on right now but she is going to defend her relationship whatever it takes because Harvey won't take her happiness again. Like he always did. She's never been in a relationship that worked out because _of him_. He didn't interfere directly but very man stood in his shadow because _he was the one carrying her heart in his hand_. He broke down her walls without her even noticing.

She feels like he just ignored what she's said because he went on saying what he started before her intervention. „But I think we both know I would've screwed it up. And losing you has been a risk I was never willing to take." he shook his head in desperation and he looks up at her shyly.

„I always thought that I'm not enough for you!" he averts her gaze looking at nothing in particular. He was ashamed he couldn't be the man she deserved. Succeeding as a lawyer was nice, for sure, but he would trade his work related success for being the man by her side, who makes her happy for the rest of her life, in a heartbeat.

„You deserve the world. And I'm more than willing to give it to you. We would have had the best life possible." an unsuppressable dry laugh escaped him at the imagination while she saw something that could've been tears welling up in his eyes.

„I've wanted to give you everything I have and teach you everything I know." his eyes are genuine and she tried to tamper down that familiar fluttering in her stomach. She isn't allowed to feel like that. He made her feel that way too many times over the past years, _he isn't supposed to make her heart beating fast and her breath hitching._

„You're the love of my life." he leaned his head slightly to the side and spoke every unsaid word with his eyes. 13 years of unspoken words and missed opportunities came crashing against her face like waves in a storm. This was so much more than an _I need you_ or an _I care about you_.

„And you will always be even if I'm not yours."

She didn't even had time to process the last part because with one last glance into her eyes he started walking into the opposite direction to take a different exit. She stood there watching him walk away from her. This was nearly the first time in all those years where he was the one backing away. Truth to be told, she was the one in his position for quite a few times. But with exception of her kissing him he never turned his back on her. On the other hand there have been multiple situations where she left him. It's hard, but her subconscious doesn't care. Pictures of her screaming things about her not coming back to him on the street, of her saying she is going to work for Louis and walking away playing in front of her eyes. And there he was, taking big strides to put as much distance between them as he could. And maybe she tried to ignore that strange feeling in her gut when one after another stunning woman tried to get his attention by staring him down. When she turned around it was the exact moment she saw the headlights of the car driving directly towards her. Within seconds the glass front of the lobby started spinning off.

And she just stood there completely perplexed.

People around her screaming

People next to her running

The lobby of 601 Lexington Avenue was quite busy due to it was lunch time right now and many people from each floor we're passing the reception desks to make their way out of the building to take a break from their office life or getting back to the elevators because they decided to just have a coffee and a bagel. They talked about work or private life with people they either just pretend to like so they're not looking that lonely or colleagues they actually like. It was a normal and boring Wednesday and Manhattan was covered with clouds. If the clouds become too many, it'd rain. That's how climate works. Every rain starts with a few droplets. And the redhead standing alone in the middle of the crowded, with anxiety and fear filled, lobby waiting for a ray of sunshine to make it's way through the clouds. After getting the love declaration she has been waiting for for thirteen years and her soulmate walking away from her without ever hearing what she has to say was enough to stop her from moving. She couldn't. Even if her body wanted to, she couldn't. Her mind was occupied with all and nothing at once. She couldn't think.

_You're looking at me and I can't think._

She couldn't breathe.

_You're touching me and I can't breathe. _

The car went on driving faster and faster towards her. The second before she started seeing the bright white light covering her whole view she felt hands grabbing her waist and pushing her down a few meters next to where she has been standing. She fell on the hard marble floor which was covered with glass splinters. Something heavy was covering her completely, protecting her from the objects that were flying around. On instinct she hid herself under what felt like the collarbone of the person above her. It's a survival instinct that came over her. Arms wrapped around her back, lags tangled between hers. Her eyes were closed but it took her just a few moments to recognize the scent of his body.

It was him. Of course it was him.

The fabric of his Tom Ford suit.

The strong shoulder blades and biceps she was trapped in between.

The structure of his hands holding onto her.

The soft strands of hair she could feel on her forehead.

The fast heartbeat that was strong enough to feel it in her own chest.

It all screamed for Harvey.

The moment her subconscious processed what was going on and who was the one risking his life to save her's, she put her hands around the back of his head and pulled it down onto her chest breathing heavily in his hair before losing consciousness and seeing nothing more than the colour black.

Beneath the completely destroyed glass panels, the pieces broken off the car, the uncountable bags and files flying around and the few injured people, the only thing left to see was Donna's broken phone with a cracked display lying on the floor and lighting up to show Harvey, Donna, Mike and Rachel on her lockscreen on Christmas Eve, when Donna and Harvey decided to surprise the couple in Seattle to spend the holidays with them last year. They were laughing into the camera while sitting on the floor in front of the Christmas tree. Mike almost fell backwards and ruined the whole decoration so Rachel was really annoyed. Harvey and Donna just watched their little marriage fight from beside them and Donna throw her head back laughing at them while her hair was laying on Harvey's lap covering his outstretched knees.

_I'm so sorry for that massive cliffhanger but trust me, you don't want his to be over yet…_

_Don't wait for me updating this because my exams start tomorrow. Thank you so much for reading, I love sharing this idea of Harvey saving Donna even if they just had one of their biggest arguments ever and he declared his love to her even if she can't react on it. It's inspired by a Cristina and Owen scene from season 8 of Grey's Anatomy. _


End file.
